Have your say: How have your children challenged the limits of your love for them?

My younger son died at age 3 of leukemia in 1989. He didn't challenge me by being difficult. He challenged me by being courageous and trusting and wise and strong and loving despite his refractory cancer. He knew important things I'd forgotten somewhere along the way.

Twenty-three years later, I'm still learning lessons about love from my son who died and my son who did not. It's a gradual and painful process. I don't think there's any one "right" way to go about this except to be open to the idea of letting your children teach you about love so you can in turn love them without judgment.

Love is a two-way street. It's never about one person being "right" and "in charge." It's about hearing each other's hearts in fullness and forgiveness -- especially forgiveness for oneself.

by Realspiritik 11/19/2012 7:17:51 AM
In his new book Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon probes the depths of parents' love for their children by examining the margins of that love, where parents are tested to the limits, and sometimes beyond, by the circumstances of their kids.

But parenting is challenging even with kids within the boundaries of "normal."

How have your children challenged the limits of your love for them? And how did you deal with it? Please share your story in the comment box.

Here's mine: I have a daughter. She's 2, and so far the challenges have been far fewer and less significant than I imagined before becoming a parent. I do sometimes worry, however, what would happen if she grows up to be a terrible person. Would it break my heart? Or would my love for her endure?

I take heart from the words of the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the Columbine shooters: "I know it would have been better for the world if Dylan had not been born. But I believe it would not have been better for me.”

by Philippe Devos 11/17/2012 6:11:21 PM