Barbara Moses: Stop mothering your child's career

Hi, great to be here

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 4:51:36 PM
Most of us have heard about "helicopter parents" who try to manage everything their young kids do. But not much had been written about parents getting involved in their adult kids' career lives. Is this a relatively new phenomenon?

by Ian Morfitt 3/9/2012 4:57:25 PM
Yes. I can't imagine my parents having done this. I believe this is unique to the boomer generation....

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 4:58:27 PM
We tend to see our kids as extensions of our own ego. We are also accustomed to trying to control every aspect of our lives- so why stop at the kids?

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 4:59:17 PM
Every generation gives their children advise...what do you mean by 'involved in their kid's careers' and what would be beyond normal?

by Sandra 3/9/2012 5:02:31 PM
I guess it isn't about normal, it is about what is healthy and apropriate. It is not healthy to treat adult kids like children or to control their career choices...

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:03:35 PM
It is fine to give them solicited advice, but not to nag them or to try to make them into something they are not

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:04:19 PM
What are you hearing from young people, Barbara? Do they seem to be complaining that they're being smothered more than kids in past generations?

by Ian Morfitt 3/9/2012 5:04:36 PM
Surpiringly enough, the kids don't complain. They complain that their parents don't "get" the new work world they are in, but they accept parental involvement as just a continuation of what they have always experienced. ...

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:05:55 PM
Of course, they don't like to be nagged or criticized, but they don't question whether their parents have the right to offer an opinion on everything!

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:06:34 PM
Many parents tell their children they should choose a career they can be passionate about. But what if that choice seems like a dead end? How do parents square their advice about being fulfilled with a choice their kids may regret making later?

by Ian Morfitt 3/9/2012 5:07:41 PM
I don't think parents have sufficient knowledge about future careers to make that call. I certainly would not. Careers change. And people can shift their underlying skills into new areas. I don't think people should prepare for hot jobs, because todays hot jobs can be rendered obsolete very quickly

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:09:45 PM
Hi Barbara, my children are young (ages 5 and 7) but are already talking about what they want to be when they grow up. I try not to say too much when they throw out crazy suggestions. At what age is it appropriate for a parent to offer some guidance?

by Jennifer 3/9/2012 5:13:05 PM
I think it's always good to reflect on their skills and abilities, and you can start doing that at a young age. For example, you could say, "It's great how artistic you are." But I would not take it to the next step and say, "You know you are so creative and artistic you should become an artist."...

by Barbara Moses edited by Ian Morfitt 3/9/2012 5:14:51 PM
In other words, stay away from naming jobs. Focus instead on underlying skills, abilities, and personality characteristics. Basically you will be promoting self-knowledge which is the foundation for making intelligent career choices later on

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:16:02 PM
Mary is an employer who offers a cautionary tale for parents who try to get too involved ....

by Ian Morfitt 3/9/2012 5:17:05 PM
I'm an employer at a non-profit - lots of first time employees. After selecting the 30 summer employees, and regretfully saying no to 45, I had three set of parents intervene - two with letters, emails and requests for meetings. I want to tell them that their interventions mean I will never hire their children, but I don't think that would be well received.

by Mary 3/9/2012 5:17:08 PM
You are bringing up a very disturbing trend. But I would not punish the kids which is what you would be doiong if you never took their kids seriously in the future as a result of the parents' highly inappropriate behavior...

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:18:41 PM
I would however tell the parents how inappropriate their behavior is!

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:19:15 PM
Oh, and you are right. The parents would not appreciate that feedback- but they need to hear that they aren't doing their kids any favours

by Barbara Moses 3/9/2012 5:20:25 PM

Barbara Moses: Stop mothering your child's career

Work-life expert Barbara Moses takes question on how to give advice to your child's on their career choices while giving them independence too.